WASHINGTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— A bill introduced by John Barrasso, R-Wyoming, proposes a $8 billion taxpayer funded program in which Trump’s Space Force will shuttle western public land ranchers to Mars. Senator Mike Lee, R- Utah, the co-sponsor of the bill says, “Scientists have confirmed Martian soil has…

CHARLESTON, West Virginia (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Vice President Mike Pence and his wife, “Mother,” this week were seen in the lobby at the Charleston Civic Center in Charleston, WV, in the middle of an elaborate exhibit booth selling franchise licenses for the defunct Blockbuster video chain. Multiple reporters…

CENTER CITY, HELL (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Last month, we wrote a story on deceased tobacco executives in HELL announcing their future luncheon for Monsanto executives '"down under." We have an update. The luncheon’s planning committee chair, Helmut Wakeham, the deceased Head of Research and Development of Philip Morris,…

BOSTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Boston Globe’s investigative Spotlight Team, has uncovered a nine-year bizarre conspiracy by Wayne MacCallum, the retired Director of MassWildlife, to blackball esteemed canid wildlife biologist, Dr. Jonathan G. Way. Dr. Way told the Boston Globe, “MacCallum directed his Division of Fisheries & Wildlife to…

WASHINGTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— A report from the E.P.A.’s Office of Inspector General said management’s focus on deregulating environmental regulations for industry polluters has hobbled the agency’s response to the lead that poisoned Flint’s drinking water. The IG report recommends Matt Damon’s nonprofit, water.org, solve the clean water…

DENVER, Colorado (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—WYGF Commission’s unrelenting loyalty to Wyoming ranchers and hunters earned them the midyear 2018 Rotten White Pine Award (RWP) for inexplicable state wildlife management. WYGF Chief Game Warden Brian Nesvik, said by phone Monday, “the Commission was ecstatic after receiving word of the state…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—President Donald J. Trump gave a brief off-the-cuff news conference on the White House lawn this morning to announce plans to clear-cut all trees on federal land in California to solve the wildfire issue. “These great ideas just come to me. Secretary Zinke, along…

BLOOMINGTON, Minnesota (Enviro Snowflake Brief) August 8, 2038— Dr. Walter Palmer was the last living member of the long defunct trophy hunting Safari Club. In addition, Palmer was infamous with older wildlife advocates for the outrage he stirred 23 years ago when he killed Cecil the Lion, who…

CENTER CITY, Hell (Enviro Snowflake Brief). News came out of Hell last night that plans are underway by deceased tobacco industry leaders to host a future luncheon for today's Monsanto agriculture chemical executives. The spokesman for the planning committee in Hell, Helmut Wakeham, the deceased Head of Research…