Helena, MONTANA (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— The unlikeable Greg Gianforte, Governor of Montana, will receive a much harsher punishment for illegally trapping and shooting a Yellowstone National Park wolf than only an innocuous written warning, which was first framed as a “teaching moment” by wildlife officials.
Gov. Gianforte, although visibly beyond middle age and out of shape, will be released from a bear cage in close proximity to the sight of his wolf trap, and is expected to run in a sprint, while a government Wildlife Services shooter will dart and collar him.
As with the process state agencies use to collar a wolf for research (actually collar to find the wolf pack and kill- known as a Judas wolf), the Governor has a 90% chance of surviving the darting and collaring process. In addition, Gianforte is allowed to return to the state Capital in Helena after regaining consciousness.
According to Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks spokesperson Greg Lemon, Gov. Gianforte’s tracking collar will be monitored against known Montana wolf packs, and if he comes within two miles of any wolf pack members, he will receive an electric shock to remind him to keep his distance from Montana wolves.
Public outrage across the state forced the wildlife agency to backtrack and administer further punishment for Gianforte. The agency held an online contest for the winning ‘darting and collaring” punishment for Gov. Gianforte- the winner attended the darting and collaring ceremony, and posed with the Governor when he was still unconscious and freshly collared.
Gov. Gianforte’s tracking collar will remain on him until the end of his first, and likely, only term as Governor of Montana, and he is encouraged to return to New Jersey.
The Yellowstone Park wolf, in which Gianforte illegally trapped and shot without proper certification had a name given to him by frequent park visitors and the professional wildlife photographers. His name was Max.
Photographer Deby Dixon rhetorically asked Gianforte on a recent Facebook post, “Did Max look scared in that trap right before you shot him and put his light out forever? Tell me the details and why you felt the need to come within 10 miles of Yellowstone National Park to kill a wolf.”
(ESB-NOT REAL NEWS)
