WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—President Donald J. Trump gave a brief off-the-cuff news conference on the White House lawn this morning to announce plans to clear-cut all trees on federal land in California to solve the wildfire issue.
“These great ideas just come to me. Secretary Zinke, along with his top expert on this environmental issue, who is like really smart, did a fantastic job working out the details,” explained the President.
President Trump then said, “Ryan Zinke is the perfect leader for this action. Ryan will take a few questions.” Jim Acosta, from CNN, immediately raised his hand.
“Mr. Secretary how is this possible without first conducting formal environmental impact reviews of the potential effect on habitats and wildlife,” asked CNN’s Acosta.
Zinke responded in a combative tone, “Jim clear-cutting will save lives, don’t you care about lives Jim!”
Andrea Howell, a spokeswoman for Sierra Pacific Industry, one of the nation’s largest logging firms, announced later in the day, “George Emmerson, Sierra’s CEO, is honored to be the primary environmental expert for President Trump.”
Governor Jerry Brown did not respond to requests for comments, but is rumored to be working on a secession plan.
