WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Facing nosediving polls, President Donald J. Trump has begun to focus on his inevitable fate after his one term presidency- prison. Trump's prison coach ordered additional White House fencing (prison grade), and requested Bureau of Prison guards to help the President feel the transition…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— President Donald J. Trump, feeling the heat from the racial awakening across the country, has bunkered down in the White House basement, again, while declaring to staff he is not coming out until the FBI finds a black American citizen he can call a…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— President Donald J. “Bunker Boy” Trump horrified Americans Monday night, who witnessed peaceful protesters violently dispersed by Park Police in order to secure “Bunker Boy’s” hastily arranged “holy workout” path through Lafayette Park, and up to St. John’s Church, where his “bible press” exercise…

San Francisco, CALIFORNIA (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— After the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals heard oral arguments on whether Yellowstone grizzlies should be protected under the Endangered Species Act (ESA) on May 5th, the Department of Justice issued a Psychological Order requiring senior Wyoming Game & Fish  officials committed to…

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Entomologists have confirmed Murder Hornets have agreed to fight against gray wolves’ persecution across the Western U.S. by attacking a “hit list” of state wildlife and federal officials submitted by gray wolves. Entomologist Chris Looney, of Washington Department of Agriculture, fortunately speaks Murder Hornets…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— The New York Times is reporting today that President Donald J. Trump has a rare genetic disorder called FU-linked severe combined empathy-deficiency (FU-SED), which causes the affected to be void of feeling empathy, or understanding other people's grief. The positive of Trump’s disorder is…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— President Donald J. Trump is wielding the claim again that he has “total” authority in the pandemic crisis, out of his fear more Republican voters will die before the election than Democrats. He is demanding “blue” states mirror the most aggressive “red” state’s reopening…

MIAMI, FLORIDA (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—A group of ICU and emergency room doctors successfully raised their GoFundMe campaign goal of $5 million to fund a twelve-month “stay at home” protester cruise, which they named the Live Free or Die Cruise. GoFundMe, the world's largest social fundraising platform, released a statement today regarding the doctors'…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— “Ah my base,” glowed Trump. “We will hold a TRUMP2020 rally this weekend in Arizona, and so easy recruit all the temporary meat-packing plant workers the country needs, so forget about those losers scared to come to work for America.” Trump was seething mad at…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Vice President Mike Pence announced today that he would like to be the first clinical volunteer to participate in The Donald J. Trump Lung Cleanse Study, sponsored by Clorox, to help President Trump show Americans he is a ‘very stable genius.” Pence, however, explained that…