WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— President Donald J. Trump, feeling the heat from the racial awakening across the country, has bunkered down in the White House basement, again, while declaring to staff he is not coming out until the FBI finds a black American citizen he can call a “lifetime friend… a brother from another.”

President Trump, surrounded by his old white guy entourage, told reporters in the Rose Garden Friday morning, “I have many, many, many and lots of black friends all across America.”

An anonymous White House staffer told the Washington Post immediately after the press conference, President “Bunker Boy” Trump met with top intelligence officials telling them “everybody loves ‘The Donald,’ find me a black friend.”

According to the source he told his staff, “I prefer a 6’9ish male one from one of our key swing voter states, but get what you can get before those mobs breach the White House walls.”

One source in the East Wing said Trump is so desperate to find a black friend to show the media he isn’t a racist, that he tried to solicit help from the First Lady Friday night. Unfortunately, Melania would not unlock the door.

Trump could be heard by staff yelling to Melania, “Do you have any black friends I could borrow next week?”

Jared and Ivanka were not aware of Trump’s cries for a black friend, since no one thought to ask them if they could help, but the power couple promised to meet him in the bunker before dark.

The White House staffer says, “We are hoping the President will come out of the basement bunker long before a black friend is secured for him, since this is really hoping against hope to find for him. He is a xenophobe you know.”

“Afterall, we fortified the fortress walls so the thugs and Antifa can’t harm him,” the concerned staffer said.

(ESB-NOT REAL NEWS)