WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— “Ah my base,” glowed Trump. “We will hold a TRUMP2020 rally this weekend in Arizona, and so easy recruit all the temporary meat-packing plant workers the country needs, so forget about those losers scared to come to work for America.” Trump was seething mad at…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Vice President Mike Pence announced today that he would like to be the first clinical volunteer to participate in The Donald J. Trump Lung Cleanse Study, sponsored by Clorox, to help President Trump show Americans he is a ‘very stable genius.” Pence, however, explained that…

Atlanta, GEORGIA (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp, accompanied by his Covid-19 Task Force, gathered at Hartsfield–Jackson Atlanta International Airport  at daybreak this morning to meet Willy Wonka, who had graciously donated his “LICKABLE WALLPAPER” for them to enjoy on this momentous “back to work” day.   Willy…

Jackson Hole, WYOMING (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Wyoming Gov. Mark Gordon announced today that helicopters with gunners will be utilized to shrink invasive cattle herds in federally designated wilderness. The lethal action will begin along the Bridger Wilderness, after agreement between the Bridger-Teton National Forest, environmentalists, and Wyoming elected officials.…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— President Donald J. Trump disclosed last night at his nightly TV coronavirus campaign rally that Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and Sean Hannity have been named to his new and improved Coronavirus Health Task Force, after watching their interviews on Fox News last week. Dr.…

Keenesburg, COLORADO (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Luna, a female adult tiger, was rescued from Joe Exotic’s G.W. Zoo, and she laid down for an interview with Anderson Cooper that will air on CBS 60 Minutes April 19th. Luna, uniquely fluent in English for a tiger, survived years of abuse- inhumane…

GRAND JUNCTION, COLORADO (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—Interior Sec. David Bernhardt and the Acting Director of the Bureau of Land Management (BLM), William Perry Pendley, developed a plan to swiftly sale the 250 million BLM managed public lands to ranchers and extraction friends, while the public and the media, rightfully so,…

Spokane, WASHINGTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—A collaborative working group of wolves, the Rancher Control Board, which includes wolf reps from northeastern Washington public lands, voted yesterday to require public lands grazing “High Plains Moocher Ranchers” to wear GPS-electric shock collars. A Spokeswolf for the Rancher Control Board said, “Wolves are…

BOISE, IDAHO (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—Gov. Brad Little, right in sync with his Republican lead Legislature, announced today he will not allow taxpayer funds from the Wolf Depredation Control Board to be moved to support a desperately needed home delivery service for The School Breakfast and Lunch Programs of Idaho…