San Francisco, CALIFORNIA (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— After the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals heard oral arguments on whether Yellowstone grizzlies should be protected under the Endangered Species Act (ESA) on May 5th, the Department of Justice issued a Psychological Order requiring senior Wyoming Game & Fish  officials committed to…

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Entomologists have confirmed Murder Hornets have agreed to fight against gray wolves’ persecution across the Western U.S. by attacking a “hit list” of state wildlife and federal officials submitted by gray wolves. Entomologist Chris Looney, of Washington Department of Agriculture, fortunately speaks Murder Hornets…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— The New York Times is reporting today that President Donald J. Trump has a rare genetic disorder called FU-linked severe combined empathy-deficiency (FU-SED), which causes the affected to be void of feeling empathy, or understanding other people's grief. The positive of Trump’s disorder is…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— President Donald J. Trump is wielding the claim again that he has “total” authority in the pandemic crisis, out of his fear more Republican voters will die before the election than Democrats. He is demanding “blue” states mirror the most aggressive “red” state’s reopening…

MIAMI, FLORIDA (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—A group of ICU and emergency room doctors successfully raised their GoFundMe campaign goal of $5 million to fund a twelve-month “stay at home” protester cruise, which they named the Live Free or Die Cruise. GoFundMe, the world's largest social fundraising platform, released a statement today regarding the doctors'…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— “Ah my base,” glowed Trump. “We will hold a TRUMP2020 rally this weekend in Arizona, and so easy recruit all the temporary meat-packing plant workers the country needs, so forget about those losers scared to come to work for America.” Trump was seething mad at…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Vice President Mike Pence announced today that he would like to be the first clinical volunteer to participate in The Donald J. Trump Lung Cleanse Study, sponsored by Clorox, to help President Trump show Americans he is a ‘very stable genius.” Pence, however, explained that…

Atlanta, GEORGIA (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp, accompanied by his Covid-19 Task Force, gathered at Hartsfield–Jackson Atlanta International Airport  at daybreak this morning to meet Willy Wonka, who had graciously donated his “LICKABLE WALLPAPER” for them to enjoy on this momentous “back to work” day.   Willy…

Jackson Hole, WYOMING (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Wyoming Gov. Mark Gordon announced today that helicopters with gunners will be utilized to shrink invasive cattle herds in federally designated wilderness. The lethal action will begin along the Bridger Wilderness, after agreement between the Bridger-Teton National Forest, environmentalists, and Wyoming elected officials.…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— President Donald J. Trump disclosed last night at his nightly TV coronavirus campaign rally that Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and Sean Hannity have been named to his new and improved Coronavirus Health Task Force, after watching their interviews on Fox News last week. Dr.…