WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— President Donald J. Trump abruptly made a midnight call to Homeland Security Director, Chad Wolf, demanding his department secure exploding trees in burning western states, in order to fortify Trump’s modest five new miles of the Southern border wall.  

According to legendary Washington Post reporter and author Bob Woodward, Wolf recounted the conversation to him in August in an attempt to demonstrate how Trump is an unorthodox genius. However, Woodward did not include the Trump-Wolf late night exploding trees brainstorm in his new book, Rage.

Woodward, unfortunately, had more than enough evidence to feel obligated to print on the final page of his book a judgement of Trump, “He’s not the right man for the job.”

Trump assured Director Wolf this was not like his Clorox idea for the China virus, but a win-win idea for him, and he alone, to stop those wild fires on federal land Democrats live near, and also show his military leaders he is one step ahead of them on new weapon ideas.

“What better way to test new weapons than using them on illegals,” Trump told Wolf. Trump added, “my base will love the idea of illegals climbing my wall and landing on one of my exploding trees.”

Director Wolf told Woodward, “if the boss wants exploding trees at the border, I’m here to make it happen.”

 (ESB-NOT REAL NEWS)