WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief- Not Real News)— A spokesman for the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service (USFWS) confirmed today that as many as 12 state Fish & Game agencies, under public pressure, are reluctantly implementing an IQ TEST that all hunters and trappers must pass in order to buy predator tags.
Wyoming Game and Fish Department (WGFD) Director Brian Nesvik says, “The public has hit a tipping point of outrage in recent years due to social media spotlighting the graphic ‘ego thirsty’ snuff film posts that are paired with incoherent murdering rants of grammar and spelling to justify their psychopathic hobby.” As much as we want to, we just cannot keep our idiots hidden anymore.”
Director Nesvik sheepishly added, “I admit we do usually read the license policy to our predator hunters and trappers, and WGFD even provides first and last name initial stamps exclusively for all trappers.”
“I wish they would stay off social media so we were not in this predicament,” concluded Nesvik.
Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources Secretary, Preston Cole, was emotional about the decision Wisconsin made to implement the new IQ TEST, in which he says public disgust forced their hand. “This will wipe out our bear hound hunting licenses that attracts ‘hounders’ from Vermont to Tennessee. We spent millions building our predator hunting brand through radio ads on Rush Limbaugh and it will all go poof the minute we install the IQ TEST.”
Secretary Cole lamented, “Damn that social media! For so long the public had no idea how scary cruel and dangerously dumb our hound hunters are, but now my phone constantly rings with citizens outraged.”
Idaho Fish and Game Director Ed Schriever gave his viewpoint. “We spend more taxpayer dollars in Idaho to kill wolves than we do on education because we really hate those Canadian wolves the federal government forced on us… so who is going to kill the wolves now when nobody can pass the darn test… should we tell the Legislature to divert that money to education…”
“I’m not going to comment on their spelling, but I do admit all our trappers struggle with ‘IDFG,’ which is unfortunate,” says Director Schriever.
Although the IQ Test for predator tags is moving forward in 2020 in these states, every Fish & Game agency is adding it kicking and screaming. However, predator hunters and trappers may have help coming from President Trump.
A White House staffer told the Washington Post today that Eric Trump showed up unannounced last night after the USFWS news hit the media, and he “was distraught and crying” when he interrupted President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago dinner with Sean Hannity.
