DOUGLAS COUNTY, WISCONSIN (Enviro Snowflake Brief- Not Real News)— A new scientific study of Wisconsin hound hunters finds a common gene defect (results in a rare anatomy distortion called micropenis) in 98% of the Wisconsin Bear Hunting Association hounder members, who participated in the the study for food stamps.
The shared improperly functioning gene caused 95% of the study participants to have micropenis condition, which refers to an abnormally small, but normally structured penis.
In addition to the common gene defect, the same psychological disorder was diagnosed in 96% of hound hunters in the study. Melinda Mills, a professor of sociology at the University of Oxford, explains, “Small penis syndrome is rampant among the hound hunter study group, which is not their physical condition, but is long-term anxiety caused by their micropenis condition. It is a type of body dysmorphic disorder.”
Benjamin Neale, a geneticist at M.I.T. and Harvard, and the lead researcher on the hound hunter genetic study says, “I hope that the science can be used to educate the public a little bit more about why gene editing or embryo selection is a logical scientific goal, under these circumstances, to help eliminate most of this subculture of angry sadistic hound hunters.”
Other geneticists are raising concerns about the potential danger of the general public unfairly associating any male with a small penis being a hound hunter. “I deeply disagree about publishing this,” said Steven Reilly, a geneticist and postdoctoral researcher.
“I do not think it fair to stain the entire small penis male population with suspicion of being a subhuman hound hunter,” added Dr. Reilly.
Dr. Neale, the study author, did not go into details in response to pundits social concerns of his conclusions, but did reply to ESB via email. “The influence to become a hound hunter comes not just from the shared gene defect we identified, but also it’s explained by a consistently very low IQ, lifelong failures including not making the JV football team, and self-loathing for many reasons beyond small penis syndrome,” explained Professor Neale.
