CHEYENNE, Wyoming (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— WYGF Director, Scott Talbott, announced a new grizzly bear deterrent tool today. Wyoming hunters and ranchers can now purchase a WYGF designed 10-pound explosive lethal BOOM Grizzly Backpack (camo or hunter green option) to hurl at any grizzly that they feel might give them a threatening gesture.
“We have proven to blow up elk carcasses effectively, so why not threatening grizzlies,” stated the Director.
Director Talbott sent a clear message that the agency would be very understanding on all explanations of threats by the predators, as well as offer some coaching on reporting it. “If you BANG one, you want to use phrases to us, like, ‘that griz was completely different, really dangerous behavior,’ and if you are lucky enough to get a sow and her offspring then tell us, ‘that female with a yearling attacking like that, I’ve never dealt with that,’ ” explained Talbott to the Jackson Hole Daily.
Grizzly bear deaths have skyrocketed across the West in recent weeks since U.S. District Court Judge Dana Christensen ruled that federal wildlife managers acted illegally and illogically when they delisted the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem’s grizzly bears last year. WYGF’s hunter and rancher community were outraged by the ruling after the state had spent six months planning the first grizzly festive trophy hunt since the 1970s.
The conservation community believes the record number of grizzly deaths (67 for 2018), and now WYGF announcing this cruel and malice new deterrent, is “payback” to the federal judge and appeasement to WYGF’s disappointed hunters and ranchers.
Wyoming Game and Fish’s large carnivore chief, Dan Thompson, was more transparent about the new BOOM lethal deterrent for grizzlies in his role for the state. “Maybe it’s because of their iconic, spiritual, or ecological significance, when a grizzly is killed, it’s a lot of hoopla, and creates a lot work for me,” said Thompson.
“The BOOM Grizzly Backpack deterrent gets me out of giving a well-reasoned explanation, you know, if the griz is blown into a million pieces.”
Director Scott Talbott viewed the BOOM Grizzly Backpack as having multiple benefits for WYGF. “First and foremost, it is a fundraiser for the agency to make up for the lost grizzly hunting licenses. Secondly, our #1 customer WYGF serves are our loyal hunters, and they will have fun with the BOOM Grizzly Backpack.”
“Finally, as Dan said, the BOOM Grizzly Backpack will cut our department’s workload since you can’t really investigate a blown-up grizzly,” said Talbott.
Stop by one of the eight Wyoming Fish & Game regional offices if you are interested in purchasing a BOOM Grizzly Backpack, or call 307-777-4600 for a bomb safety courier service to deliver at your doorstep- not available for purchase by convicted felons or minors under the age of 8. (NOT REAL NEWS)
WRITER’S NOTE: Truth vs satire for today’s article: FindItHere
