Boise, IDAHO (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— A leadership group representing public lands ranchers held a news conference in downtown Boise today to announce they petitioned the USFWS to designate themselves, not their cows and sheep, as a Distinct Population Segment (DPS), and therefore, need Endangered Species protections.
An anonymous source inside the High Plains Moocher Cattle Association revealed the intent of the designation request is to counter a groundswell of taxpaying citizens across the West, who are coming to the conclusion freeloading ranchers on public lands are an “invasive species” destroying fragile ecosystems from streams to plant life to endangered and threatened wildlife.
DPSs allow vertebrate species to be divided into distinct groups, based on geography and genetic distinction. USFWS confirms not only are these homogenous segments of ranchers geographically clustered in western states, but also there is a common genetic defect found in public lands ranchers– the gene invariably causes extreme self-entitlement issues. Thus, the science reporting from the USFWS seems to support the ranchers’ petition for protection.
However, Agency spokesperson Joe Szuzwalak said, “The lack of the public lands ranchers’ ability to demonstrate they are sentient beings, which you would expect from the broader species, will significantly lower public support to tolerate protections for them. Erik Molvar, Executive Director for Western Watersheds Project, put it in perspective. “You can understand public empathy for gray wolves or grizzly bears when science supports protections, but public land ranchers… not so much.”
In spite of the potential negative publicity, USFWS plans to announce in October public land ranchers will be given a Distinct Population Segment designation. Mr. Szuzwalak, speaking again for the USFWS said, “We have to follow the science here, and genetics and geography leads us to give this cluster of ranchers out West protected status before one of them gets their feelings hurt by the environmentally concerned public.
Center for Biological Diversity Attorney Andrea Santasiere was livid after the announcement, and says if the USFWS makes this ruling, CBD and Earthjustice will quickly file a lawsuit asking the U.S. District Court to reverse it, and moreover, “request the Court to require the USFWS to initiate a study to validate public lands ranchers are an invasive species on all public lands.”
(ESB-NOT REAL NEWS)
