TULSA, OKLAHOMA (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— An inside source in Heaven is reporting that GOD expects the Pearly Gates to be overrun with “Tulsa spirit wall climbers” within weeks after the trump Tulsa campaign rally, which will fill a 19,000-seat arena, all during a highly contagious pandemic.
“I expect a large contingency of MAGA hat wearing spirits to try and crash, climb, and beg to get to the other side of our holy gates six weeks after the Tulsa rally,” GOD told our source.
GOD explained the dire crisis brewing at the heavenly border (Pearly Gates) is anticipated because of the thousands of trump supporters choosing to ignore health expert’s advice to avoid large gatherings, practice social distancing, and wear masks, but instead are listening to their false orange prophet. “Unfortunately, many are not due to judgement day for years, but it’s not my job to protect them in Tulsa, since I gave them each ‘free will’.”
“MAGA humans really don’t understand that I unleashed the Pandemic at the request of Mother Nature, not China, and will not intervene on how humans choose to care for one another to get through it,” GOD added.
GOD, however, finds irony that some of the Tulsa trump campaign rally attendees’ souls will end up pleading for entrance at a very crowded “border wall” (Pearly Gates), a few weeks after their “build that wall” mantra they will undoubtedly scream, with little empathy, at the rally.
Meanwhile, last night the Tulsa arena requested the trump campaign provide a detailed health plan for the rally.
Brad Parscale, trump’s Campaign Manager, responded to their request this morning. “Don Jr. and Eric Trump will supervise a “here’s hoping” team tasked to hand out a bible (mandatory to hold up during the speech) and one face mask (optional but really no need) to each attendee.”
Pray.
(ESB-NOT REAL NEWS)
