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P&G FORBIDS D.C. RETAILERS TO SELL “Depend” ADULT DIAPERS FOR TRUMP IN HIS BUNKER

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P&G Chief Brand Officer tells D.C. area retailers "Depend" brand must not be associated with a “real life adult baby.”

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Procter & Gamble, the manufacturer of Depend for Men Incontinence Underwear, in an email, warned Washington D.C. area retailers the company will blacklist them from future product orders if any of their stores sell President Donald J. Trump Depends’ brand for his fear-stricken, cowardly retreats to the White House basement bunker.

P&G, Chief Brand Officer, Marc S. Pritchard, said in an email to D.C. area retailers, “The company learned from sources, Mr. Trump recently scurried to the White House basement bunker, and his daughter, Ivanka, helped him put on one of our Depend for Men Incontinence Underwear diapers.

P&G’s Pritchard shared with retailers that a White House source told him the Trump diaper crisis occurred on June 1st after the President was shaken by the loud protesters, with mean signs, in Lafayette Park, which caused the President to unfortunately soil his presidential suit pants while running to his basement bunker, “However, P&G cannot have an “adult baby” tarnishing our brand no matter how bad he needs our product.”

Mr. Pritchard instructed D.C. area retailers to post photos of the President’s known “personal shoppers” (P&G will provide) at each register to stop any attempted Presidential Depend for Men Incontinence Underwear purchase.”

“We understand the lifelong racist Trump’s desire to wear a diaper when confronted by the ‘Great Awakening’ sweeping the country, as well as we understand his preference for our brand, thanks to the breathable zones built into our diaper.”

“However, Procter & Gamble will not have a real life ‘adult baby’ associated with our brand. Depend for Men Incontinence Underwear is built to protect the dignity of adult males with incontinence challenges- not for adult babies,” curtly wrote the Chief Brand Officer.

“If a man has incontinence issues, and he is not an ‘adult baby,’ we want him to try Depend for Men Incontinence Underwear, a highly absorbent diaper that does not compromise on discreetness,” proudly concluded the P&G executive.   

(ESB-NOT REAL NEWS)

Michael Treehuggins

Michael Treehuggins created the Enviro Snowflake Brief to try and give laughter therapy to all his fellow frustrated conservationists in these challenging political times. Let’s laugh, cry, and vote.