SEATTLE, WASHINGTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Entomologists have confirmed Murder Hornets have agreed to fight against gray wolves’ persecution across the Western U.S. by attacking a “hit list” of state wildlife and federal officials submitted by gray wolves.
Entomologist Chris Looney, of Washington Department of Agriculture, fortunately speaks Murder Hornets language, and he overheard the Queen hornet de-briefing her colony after meeting with gray wolf alphas from across the western U.S.- “Operation Gray Wolf Support” is a GO!
“Humans aren’t crazy about our colony coming to town, which I get, and which is fair, since we aren’t from Washington, and humans think we look like something out of a monster cartoon- we’re still going to see America,” the Queen hornet mused to her colony.
“However, wolves are simply in their historical range, add value to healthy ecosystems, and mostly are on public lands. Yet, these government agencies sell wolves out to ranchers and hunters making life miserable (and short). State agencies would love to eradicate them before us- it just stings me!”
According to Dr. Looney, the Murder Hornets’ “Operation Gray Wolf Support” invasion plan will begin attacking wildlife officials in Washington, move across to Idaho, push over to Montana, and then spend a long, long, time down in Wyoming.
Apparently, many of the abhorrent officials listed as “high value targets” by the wolves reside in Wyoming and Idaho, but the Murder Hornets will not skip over Washington and Montana before nailing all their targets.
“If you spot a targeted official on our list while flying alone, fly away, and come get us- don’t try and take them out yourself! It is really important for us to get as much venom and stingers in their butt-crotch area as we can, if we’re going to have any hope of getting our message through to them.”
Gray wolves’ agreement to accept the Murder Hornets altruistic support was not without debate among gray wolf alpha pack leaders. The one stipulation gray wolves required was a limitation of beehives attacked by the invasive Murder Hornets in order to avoid damage to the overall ecosystem- bees are crucial.
Reportedly, grizzlies in the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem, for once, are happy with gray wolves, and approve of enlisting this “volunteer army of pain.”
(ESB-NOT REAL NEWS)
