JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING (Enviro Snowflake Brief- Not Real News)— During a symposium for state Fish & Game Directors held in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Rudi Giuliani was introduced to lead an investigation for a consortium of state agencies to try and expose what they claim are “ongoing defamation tactics of American hunters using FAKE NEWS to depict today’s hunter as “slob hunters.”
Fish and Game state agencies across the country are in panic mode as the number of Americans hunting precipitously declines year after year. Consider, 2.2 million hunters between 2011 and 2016 alone were lost, and less than 4% of the national population hunts today. Hunting is dying faster than Wyoming coal mines.
Brian Nesvik, Director of Wyoming Fish & Game says, “We believe these snowflake type animal rights activist groups have developed a sophisticated network of insurgents to create fake social media accounts with fake stories depicting American hunters sadistically killing our wildlife in some of the most immoral, inhumane, and unethical ways imaginable.”
The Director added, “If this was really happening our ethical hunters would not stand for it for a minute!”
Director Nesvik, explained, “Mr. Giuliani suspects the root of the lies are coming out of Ukraine. He will expose to all Americans that the GPS hound hunter, the coyote killing contest participants, the bear baiters, the ‘coyote whacking’ (the sport of running them over with snowmobiles)… none really exist… except through FAKE NEWS.”
Rudi’s comments after taking the podium were brief, but confident.
“I appreciate the opportunity to use my country lawyer skills and Ukraine connections to find the source of the lies and corruption that pollutes young Americans minds to not want and go out and kill stuff like their daddy did.”
The one precarious question that was not addressed was what if Rudi has to go spend some time in an upstate New York facility… without a work release program.
