WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—U.S. Custom officials held First Lady, Melania Trump, in the Customs Office for two hours after officers discovered portions of an elephant tusk in her $170,000 Michael Clarke’s Louis Vuitton Luxury Trunk that returned with her from Kenya. It took a call from Secretary of…

SAULT STE. MARIE, Ontario,Canada (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—James Smith, 50, set out on foot from York Haven, Pennsylvania to walk across America in search of decency and compassion. His 3,000-mile journey abruptly changed course Sunday after being shaken to the core from a chance encounter in the Chequamegon-Nicolet National Forest…

SEATTLE, Washington (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—Early this morning, Washington Governor Jay Inslee was shocked to see hundreds of leaflets falling from the sky onto the mansion lawn, as he sipped his cappuccino latte. As he read the leaflets, he realized the powerful Washington welfare rancher mafia managed to block…

CHEYENNE, Wyoming (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Wyoming politicians expressed outrage with the mental strain they have endured trying to read the judge's Yellowstone grizzly bear re-listing order document. The ruling issued by U.S. District Judge Dana Christensen last week has required state officials to cancel what was to be the…

BOISE, Idaho (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Idaho Governor, C.L. "Butch" Otter, was clearly depressed when he responded to the news that federal safeguards for grizzly bears in the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem were reinstated last night. A Montana federal judge ruled that the Trump administration’s decision to strip Endangered Species Act…

CASPER, Wyoming (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—  Jonah Energy CEO, Tom Hart, says a formal complaint has been filed with the Bureau of Land Management expressing concern that the sightings of pronghorns by field workers around the proposed new wells will impact worker productivity. Therefore, “The Path of the Pronghorn,” which…

WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Secretary of Interior Ryan Zinke has grown petulant waiting on Congress to act for him, so he has taken his war on endangered species to his boss, President Donald J. Trump. In a groundbreaking display of effective “trump style” communication, Secretary Zinke wrote…

STEVENS COUNTY, Washington (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—In a disappointing turn of events, Len McIrvin’s earlier announced plans to turn Diamond M into a wolf sanctuary and local cow petting zoo has been scrapped, according to Len. What happened? Len describes the compelling pleas made by local cattlemen, politicians, and…

WASHINGTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Interior department sources confirm that the Safari Club and the NRA convinced Secretary Ryan Zinke to enlist President Trump to demand Nabisco to shelve their redesign of Barnum’s Animals Crackers box. What’s the fuss? Animal crackers will be free at last- thanks to pressure…

MADISON, Wisconsin (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Governor Scott Walker has unveiled a new Tourism Board campaign this fall to promote Wisconsin as the destination for ethically challenged hunters to use baiting and hounds to hunt black bears, and why not, when the state boasts of 4,692 bears killed last year.…