CASPER, Wyoming (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—  Jonah Energy CEO, Tom Hart, says a formal complaint has been filed with the Bureau of Land Management expressing concern that the sightings of pronghorns by field workers around the proposed new wells will impact worker productivity. Therefore, “The Path of the Pronghorn,” which is a celebrated long-distance migration route that’s protected where it passes through the Bridger-Teton National Forest and private lands north of Pinedale, must be eliminated by any means necessary.

In spite of the BLM’s final environmental impact statement in June giving Jonah Energy the “green light” to add 3,500 new drilling wells in the critical pronghorn migration route, executives are clearly not satisfied.

Mr. Hart stated, “Economic impact to the extraction industry must take priority over these mini giraffe ungulates on public lands. Common sense tells you our workers will constantly be distracted trying to get a selfie with a pronghorn if the critters dare to still try to pass.”

“Secretary Zinke promised us the Trump Administration would not let wildlife get in our fracking way. Well, we don’t want any distractions while we are extracting,” passionately stated Jonah Energy’s CEO.

Natural gas industry watchdog Linda Baker described the situation as a crisis for the small population of fleet-footed ungulates. “If the animals can’t get from summer range to winter range before the snow hits, they will perish,” Baker said.

CEO Hart, responded directly to Ms. Baker’s concerns to the Jackson Hole Daily, “Exactly, problem solved! We look forward to developing the energy resources beneath these lands for all Americans.”

WRITER’S NOTE: Truth vs satire for today’s article: FindItHere