WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Secretary of Interior Ryan Zinke has grown petulant waiting on Congress to act for him, so he has taken his war on endangered species to his boss, President Donald J. Trump. In a groundbreaking display of effective “trump style” communication, Secretary Zinke wrote a memo with a “goldenrod” Crayola crayon requesting an executive order to abolish the Endangered Species Act.
Zinke says in the memo, “Mr. President my extraction buddies really, really love you, and they are trying to ‘Make America Great Again’ and animals are losers, coal is good, so let’s agree the ESA is a national security risk for energy independence.”
An anonymous Zinke staffer, who actually purchased the Crayola crayons for Zinke, told the Washington Post, “The wordsmithing of the memo by the team was easy, as long as we avoided any four syllable words and estimated 32 plus font. Secretary Zinke, and our staff, did struggle a bit with the sketch we wanted on the bottom of the memo to make sure the President could ‘get it’ in a picture in case he got distracted reading the words.”
The Zinke staffer said only a few people know that Don Jr. ended up being the “ghost artist” for the sketch on Zinke’s memo to the President.
“It was brilliant! Don Jr. did his best third-grade level artist sketch using only the goldenrod crayon of a wolf and of a grizzly with a big ‘X’ drawn through each on one side of the paper, and on the other side, was a sketch of a oil drilling rig sketched with a dollar sign through it,” according to the Washington Post interview.
Multiple insiders confirmed the caption “OIL GOOD, OIL LOVES TRUMP, ANIMALS LOSERS,” popped out at the very bottom of the memo.”
The word out of the White House is Chief of Staff, John Kelly, ordered five cases of Crayola crayons, and all Cabinet level memos to the President have to be in goldenrod crayon beginning Monday.
Secretary Zinke is ahead of the game and endangered species are likely to get more endangered.
WRITER’S NOTE: Truth vs satire for today’s article: FindItHere
