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BRITISH COLUMBIA VOTERS APPROVE MANDATORY HUMAN TESTING OF NECK SNARE TRAPS

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A citizen group as gained provincial approval at the ballot box that will now require an annual government official and Trapper Association executive to participate in “live” outdoor human testing of snare traps in a gamification scenario.

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Enviro Snowflake Brief- Not Real News)— 72% of BC voters said “yes” to a stunning new requirement for the province’s wildlife trapping policies involving neck snare traps to kill wolves, and inadvertently killing other non-targeted wildlife.

The dramatic new policy requires “live” human trapping testing of neck snare traps each Fall with mandatory participation by the Ministry of Forests, Lands, and Natural Resources, and BC’s Trapper Association’s President. A third special invitee will be included each year, and for 2019 it will be Steve Isdahl. Little Stevie, as called by all of his x-girlfriends, a source told us, is considered a BC embarrassment for promoting trapping to try and kill every wolf in BC because they eat elk he likes to shoot.

For years, BC officials have backed up the Trapper Association saying neck snares are humane killing devices, although the science indisputably refutes it. The public hit a tipping point this year with its outrage after the documentary release of Exposed by John E. Marriott – Snare Cruelty Exposed. The public revolted!  

If the mandatory human testing is not conducted each Fall because of participants refusal to attend the “field games,” then the following calendar year neck snare traps are officially banned in British Columbia.

A five-person panel of wildlife conservation executives from British Columbia organizations will now design the human test, which will try to create a gamification setting to assure “all involved have fun.” An anonymous source close to the panel’s design team told us, “The neck snares will be wrapped with very thin padding and careful measurements will be taken of the human testers necks to guarantee the snares cannot cause serious injury to the participants, but the snares will choke and leave memorable scares.”    

Rhianna Schmunk of CBC News caught up with BC’s Trapper Association President, Tim Killey, shortly after voters had approved the new neck snare testing requirement. A quiver was in his voice as he explained to the reporter that he would be resigning his post at the end of the month due to wanting to spend more to time with his family.   

We were unable to get a statement yet from BC’s Ministry of Forests, Lands and Natural Resources.     

Michael Treehuggins

Michael Treehuggins created the Enviro Snowflake Brief to try and give laughter therapy to all his fellow frustrated conservationists in these challenging political times. Let’s laugh, cry, and vote.