WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— In a stunning leak out of the White House staff today, President Trump’s claim to the media on Monday that he read some of the government’s new climate change study is apparently 100% false.

“How is this possible,” the anonymous White House staffer rhetorically asked the Washington Post reporter, Josh Dawsey.

“We ran out of time before the Black Friday release to transpose the one-pager synopsis into third grade level hand writing with his favorite gold crayon. Honestly, if you don’t have a box of gold crayons and a pint of chocolate Haagen-Dazs ice cream, you got zero chance of him even reading an impeachment document.”

The Washington Post’s Dawsey tried to get some background on why the staffer thinks Trump is convinced global warming is a hoax in spite of 13 different U.S. agencies warning of the imminent economic disaster it will cause by the turn of the century.

“Hey, we wish we could have given him what he needed to read it, but it still would not change his mind. The President is a man who makes decisions based off gut feel and self-interest. For example, he hates to exercise so he decided exercise shortens your life. Climate change is not a convenient truth for him, and therefore, it simply is not true. The White House staff’s job is to defend not explain whatever he says,” explained the frustrated staffer.

Meanwhile, White House press secretary Sarah Sanders came to Trump’s aid this afternoon criticizing the new climate report, saying its conclusions were “based on the most extreme model scenario” and were not based on facts.”

Trump surprised all reporters listening to Sanders in the Press Briefing Room when he popped his head in to calm all fears, “People like myself, we have very high levels of intelligence but we’re not necessarily such believers in this climate hoax.”

WRITER’S NOTE: Truth vs satire for today’s article:   FindItHere