STEVENS COUNTY, Washington (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Len McIrvin, the leader of the recently exposed underground cult of Washington state politicians, My Holy Cow, called an emergency meeting among his top prophet council, according to the Seattle Times. Once again, the Paper had an undercover reporter inside the meeting secretly recording it. The eastern Washington politicians, who are McIrvin trusted followers, were once again, on their knees with no other clothing than the ceremonial oversized diaper which is worn by followers when in front of the My Holy Cow McIrvin– Don Dashiell, Mike Blankenship, Kathy McMorrris Rodgers, Joel Kretz, along with a few others were in attendance.
The fact the cult has been exposed by the Seattle Times’ investigation last week has caused paranoia to set in with Len, and some of the elected public officials, who obediently follow McIrvin teachings. Compounding the cult’s anxiety, some members, including Ferry County Commissioner, Mike Blankenship, fear Len is infected with the prion disease, Chronic Wasting Disease (CWD), according to several unnamed sources in multiple media outlets.
Blankenship is heard on the audio recording talking to Stevens County Commissioner, Don Dashiell. “My fear for all of us is what if Len’s CWD interferes with the instructions God gives him on how we exterminate all life forms on public lands that are a threat to our cattlemen,” a worried Blankenship says to Dashiell.
It is not known why concerns exist within the My Holy Cow McIrvin cult that Len McIrvin has contracted CWD.
McIrvin passionately shared new tactics he wants his politicians to unleash on the public and on federal agencies to his followers. “If someone murdered your family and the Sheriff knew who did it, should the Sheriff have to wait until the murderer killed the neighbor’s family before he arrested him? Wolves are cow murderers so unless you support murderers, you must support cattlemen to kill wolves,” stated the magnetic cult leader.
McIrvin continued with another message in front of his oversized diaper wearing politician followers, “Demand the feds kill all the wolves because our holy cows grazing on public lands prevents forest fires. Therefore, wolves are obstructing us from our federal duty.”
Chronic Wasting Disease is a neurological disease affecting deer, elk and moose, but concerns exist it could be passed to humans. It causes a characteristic spongy degeneration of the brain. Signs of the disease that Len McIrvin exhibit include excessive salivation, decreased socialization, drooping ears, and an extreme hatred towards predators. (NOT REAL NEWS)
WRITER’S NOTE: Truth (ACTUAL AUDIO) vs satire for today’s article: FindItHere
