WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—U.S. Custom officials held First Lady, Melania Trump, in the Customs Office for two hours after officers discovered portions of an elephant tusk in her $170,000 Michael Clarke’s Louis Vuitton Luxury Trunk that returned with her from Kenya. It took a call from Secretary of the Interior, Ryan Zinke, to clear up the issue.

According to sources, Melania was mortified and angry to be the focus of such an investigation, and she assured her supporters that she had done nothing wrong.

Later last night, in her sit-down interview with ABC News’ Tom Llamas, Melania Trump said, “Sec. Zinke told me he had reinstated on a case-by-case basis to allow importing endangered trophy animal parts to the U.S. again. Ryan assured me anyone who says they know him or anyone who is an NRA member is pre-approved for basically anything… lion, rhino, and of course elephants too. I do no wrong.”

ABC News’ Tom Llamas tried to show the bully battered Melania some empathy as he moved on to the next discussion topic, “Well, I assume you and the President are on the same page hoping this #metoo movement fades soon. I’m sure you both agree it is dangerous times to be raising your son, Barron, given his gene pool and role models,” stated Llamas.

Melania ignored the interviewer’s comment to ask Tom if he saw the video of her in the white pith helmet, the style of which has historical links to colonial rule in Africa. She wore the helmet during a safari at the Nairobi National Park in Nairobi, Kenya.

“Donald loved it and says if we did colonize Kenya or another shithole African country I can have all the tusks I want, no matter what twitter says,” added the First Lady.    (NOT REAL NEWS)

WRITER’S NOTE: Truth vs satire for today’s article: FindItHere