WASHINGTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Interior department sources confirm that the Safari Club and the NRA convinced Secretary Ryan Zinke to enlist President Trump to demand Nabisco to shelve their redesign of Barnum’s Animals Crackers box.
What’s the fuss?
Animal crackers will be free at last- thanks to pressure from PETA. Trophy hunters fear giving in to the trophy animal shaped cookies could lead to more public backlash questioning the ethics of their cherished sport.
A Safari Club spokesperson said, “Lions, giraffes, and elephants set loose and roaming wild on that box is not a good look for us. Trump needs to make the animals stay behind the bars of a circus wagon”.
President Trump’s tweet this morning appears to demonstrate one of his familiar tactics:
“Nabisco’s Animals Crackers box since 1902 is icoic with American values! To change the box is a looser move!! BIG MISTAK! I know Mondelez CEO and he is dummer than an NFL player!!!”
Kimberly Fontes, a Mondelez spokeswoman, released a statement shortly after Trump’s tweet stating, “The brand felt it was the right time to make a change. President Trump’s articulate viewpoint is heard, but has no influence what so ever on our business decisions.”
Don Jr. reportedly was outraged when hearing of the box redesign, according to an anonymous family friend. “Don Jr. made Eric throw away all his animal crackers he keeps in his fanny pack,” the source said.
WRITER’S NOTE: Truth vs satire for today’s article: FindItHere
