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EYEWITNESS COMES FORWARD TO DISPUTE THE SELF DEFENSE CLAIM BY THE WASHINGTON RANCHER WHO SHOT AN ENDANGERED WOLF, “HE SCREAMED LIKE A 4-YEAR-OLD, WET HIS PANTS, AND THEN LIED ABOUT THE ENTIRE ENCOUNTER”

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Eastern Washington's Togo Wolf Pack alpha male was shot and injured by a rancher on public land for barking to protect his pups.

FERRY COUNTY,Washington (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Last week, a rancher in Ferry County reported shooting and injuring the breeding alpha male of the Togo wolf pack on public land, claiming self-defense. Surprisingly, an eyewitness has come forward today describing to the Seattle Times a very different and embarrassing account of the encounter.

According to the unnamed eyewitness, Washington State Rep. Joel Kretz and Ferry County rancher Ron Eslick used WDFG telemetry to track the Togo Wolf Pack on national forest land, and found the pack’s pup rearing rendezvous site, which overlaps with Eslick’s public land grazing cattle.

“When that beautiful black alpha male wolf stepped out of the brush barking, both Joel and Ron squealed like a 4-year-old, and Kretz, who I could see soiled his pants, ran back to the truck. The wolf kept backing away from Eslick, while barking, but Ron, who I assumed was also humiliated because he peed in his pants, angrily took like 10 shots at the brave wolf guarding his pups,” according to the eyewitness.

The anonymous witness also told the paper in summing up the incident that “bad ranchers like these two think they are John Wayne, but they sounded like Pee Wee Herman when they saw a wolf, and their pants clearly told the real story.”

The incident is under investigation, and Donny Martorello, WDFW wolf policy lead, will not confirm Ron Eslick as the poacher, and thus, we cannot officially confirm the criminal yet.

WRITER’S NOTE: Truth vs satire for today’s article: FindItHere

Michael Treehuggins

Michael Treehuggins created the Enviro Snowflake Brief to try and give laughter therapy to all his fellow frustrated conservationists in these challenging political times. Let’s laugh, cry, and vote.