Not Real News
WHITEFISH, MONTANA (ENVIRO SNOWFLAKE BRIEF)— In a stunning development this morning at 5:37a.m. PCT, Santa Claus released a video explaining that Ryan Zinke left him no choice but to be taken for a couple of years of seclusion and meditation for the sake of children everywhere. Zinke —…
WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— In a stunning leak out of the White House staff today, President Trump’s claim to the media on Monday that he read some of the government’s new climate change study is apparently 100% false. “How is this possible,” the anonymous White House staffer rhetorically…
WHITEFISH, MONTANA (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Secretary of Interior, Ryan Zinke, suffered non-life-threatening injuries after a bowhunter mistakes him for a dangerous non-native critter in the Piper Creek drainage in the Swan Valley Wednesday morning. Montana Fish, Wildlife & Parks officials report the bowhunter noticed movement next to a tree…
SPOKANE, WASHINGTON (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Kelly Susewind, the head of Washington Department of Fish & Wildlife, visited Spokane today to field questions and share his concern for protecting cows on Washington’s national forests for generations to come, in spite of wildlife and public opinion challenges. Based on his remarks, Kelly…
CHEYENNE, Wyoming (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— WYGF Director, Scott Talbott, announced a new grizzly bear deterrent tool today. Wyoming hunters and ranchers can now purchase a WYGF designed 10-pound explosive lethal BOOM Grizzly Backpack (camo or hunter green option) to hurl at any grizzly that they feel might give them a…
WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Helmut Wakeham, the deceased Head of R&D of Philip Morris, reached up to President Donald J. Trump earlier today from HELL to express how excited they all were for him to personally help the dead tobacco boys justify inviting the first woman and African American…
STEVENS COUNTY, Washington (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Len McIrvin, the leader of the recently exposed underground cult of Washington state politicians, My Holy Cow, called an emergency meeting among his top prophet council, according to the Seattle Times. Once again, the Paper had an undercover reporter inside the meeting secretly…
WASHINGTON D.C. (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—President Donald J. Trump flexed his razor sharp debate skills using his broad knowledge of science to try and convince an urban Washington D.C. third-grade class on why they should grow-up and ignore climate change. The President was “on his game” as he picked a…
SPOKANE, Washington (Enviro Snowflake Brief)—Rumors have swirled for years in eastern Washington about the secret society of McIrvin worshipers (his followers call him My Holy Cow), and today, the Seattle Times goes to press with photos, videos, text messages, and taped phone calls, supporting the paper’s fourteen-month investigation. In…
BOISE, Idaho (Enviro Snowflake Brief)— Idaho Fish & Game commissioner Blake Fischer was given a “hero’s welcome” with a Governor hosted gala dinner and photo exhibition upon returning from his African trophy hunting trip. Gov. Otter proudly and glowingly pointed to Fischer’s gallery of photos, with the centerpiece of the…
